|This is the only shot I did manage to get.|
This morning on my way home from running errands, I saw a rainbow. I didn’t have my camera with me, but I did have my phone and I wanted to get a picture. I kept watching it as I drove along, hoping it would hold on long enough for me to pull over and take a shot. I watched as it shifted and faded, only to brighten back up again. (Can we say distracted driver???) I pulled over a couple of times, but each time I tried to get a shot it would fade. I made it back home just as it faded completely for the last time. As I pulled into the drive with a smile on my face it hit me. This morning’s chase was a euphemism for my entire adult life. I have always chased rainbows, always trying to find happiness as if it is something you can “catch” and hold onto. I spent a lot of years unhappy, always disappointed because I couldn’t quite reach….whatever it was I was searching for.
But this morning was different. I wasn’t on a single-minded hunt. I didn’t have only the goal of catching the rainbow and anything less would be a disappointment stuck in my mind. I simply enjoyed the chase. I appreciated the beauty of the sky for what it was, whether I could capture it or not which is why I had a smile on my face despite the fact that I didn’t get a decent capture. And that, too, mirrors the direction my life has taken in the past couple of years. I’ve learned how to (more or less) enjoy the moment. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I have learned how to simply live day by day. I’ve learned that happiness isn’t something you can catch or even find. It just is. I was so caught up in how I thought my life was supposed to be, that I forgot to just be….me.
So if you will learn to let go of those horrible “supposed to”s,
“My marriage is supposed to be like this”
“My house is supposed to look like that”
“I’m supposed to have this kind of job”
“I’m supposed to be this kind of mother (or father)”
and find the things that make you feel good, then happiness can have a chance to find you.
And, yes, happiness can fade and brighten just like that rainbow did this morning. That’s just part of the journey. But there will always be another rainbow. You just have to remember to look up.